New inSIGHT on life

I was in the third grade when I received my first "F" in school.  I didn't just fail the assignment, but I got a 0.  Now most people wouldn't actually be publicizing that their first "F" was received so early in their academic career, but for me this grade had a whole new meaning for me...a huge change in my life.

When I received the grade and after I wiped away most of my tears, I approached Mrs. Condra, my third grade teacher.  I remember asking her why I had received the F and if I was going to fail the third grade.  She was very kind and assured me that I wasn't going to fail completely. She told me that this was unusual for me to receive such a grade, but she had to give me a 0 because I didn't even turn in the assignment!  She also mentioned that there were a couple of other assignments that I hadn't turned in and that I would receive 0's on those as well.  Quickly, still holding back the tears, said, "What assignments? You haven't given any homework lately."  There was the answer.  Written in the homework section of the dry-erase board (high-tech for that time) were a list of homework problems that I did not see.  It wasn't that I was ignoring them.  I literally could not see them!  That was first day that I knew that my life would change.  (Side note:  She ended up letting me do all of the assignments and turn them in late for a slightly lower grade, an A-.)

Taken from Norman Binkley yearbook

The idea that I got to wear glasses was so exciting to me!  This meant that I would get to look smarter and have something in common with my 3rd grade crush (who is actually in the picture above, but he's not wearing his glasses because his vision was not that bad).  By the time I reached middle school, I realized that the glasses had to go if I wanted to fit in and participate in some extracurricular activities like cheerleading and track, so I got contacts during the summer after 5th grade.

Contacts (and glasses at night) weren't really an issue for me.  I was lucky that the contacts I had didn't really bother my eyes.  However, there were things that most people do not realize that I have experienced.  I have never woken up in the middle of the night or in the morning and been able to see my alarm clock.  I have always be self-conscious of swimming in fear that I'll lose a contact.  I literally cannot see any details of an object without it being at least two inches from my face.  I have never seen Ryan's blue eyes with my own true vision.  I have often poked myself in the eye while applying mascara, but it never really hurt my eye since I had my contact protecting it.  Since being in college, I have been worried that I would not be able to react properly in case of an emergency or during an intrusion because I could not see.  I've tripped over Butch several times because I literally did not see him.  These are just a few minor things that I've lived with for over a decade.  Many people don't realize what it is like to not be able to see, but honestly, it never bothered me.  I was just happy that I was able to correct my vision problems with glasses or contacts.  So, I wore contacts up until January of 2012. 

The last formal picture of me that I had with my glasses.

For the past four (almost five) months, you may have noticed that I've been wearing my glasses.  Most people, especially at work, think that I just got glasses.  However, I've worn them because my loving parents gave me the opportunity to get lasik surgery for my 24th birthday present.

Thursday afternoon, I received the surgery.  It was kind of funny because I was the only one in the waiting room who seemed excited.  There were about ten people in the back waiting room about to have LASIK or PRK (another type of procedure similar to LASIK) done.  Most of them were asking questions about this, that, and the other or anxiously tapping their feet.  I was just smiling and happily watching Shrek on the television, sitting in a comfortable chair decked out in my blue hair cover and booties. The nurse brought me back to a white room with the large laser machines.  At this time I wasn't wearing my glasses, so I can't really describe anything about the room or even how many people were there.  I laid back and Dr. Loden swiveled the table around under the first laser and put a section cup (I don't know what the official term is for it) on my right eye.  He held my head steady as the laser turned on.  My vision turned a little dark brown, but I could still see the light ahead.  He took the suction cup off and repeated the procedure again on the left eye.  That time, my vision went black temporarily.  Surprisingly, I wasn't scared or nervous when it happened.  I guess I was just still too excited.  Dr. Loden then swiveled the table around to the other side of the laser.  Right eye first again. He put what felt to be a metal device to hold my eyelids open.  I could see his tools gently move the flap of my cornea off to the side.  The machine then made several "dit dit dits".  During that time I could still see my focus light.  After the machine made it's last "dit", Dr. Loden carefully placed the flap back over my reshaped cornea and let it dry into place.  I would then see that the red focus light didn't really have such a large diameter as I originally saw it, but it was more the size of a pinhole.  The procedure was repeated on my left eye, just as quick.  After 14 minutes, Dr. Loden said I did great and that the surgery went perfectly.  The nurse assisted me up off the table.

When she started to escort me out of the laser room I stopped her.  She paused with the expression that I was about to ask her a question.  I smiled and pointed up to the clock above the door and said, "Does that say quarter til five?"  She grinned and politely said, "Yes, it does."  I laughed and said, "Good, because I didn't even know there was a clock there when I walked in.   Now, I can see it...and I can see you too!"  She laughed and said, "It's great isn't it!  Now let's get you back to resting those eyes a little bit before we send you home."  Once back in the waiting room, I had to sit with my eyes closed, which was the hardest part all day since I knew I could see.  When I opened my eyes, Dr. Loden came by to check to see if the flaps had remained in place.  Once I was cleared to go home, AJ, one of the employees, explained all of my do's and don'ts and called Ryan to see if he was close to the office to take me home.  Since I had still a few minutes, I began watching the Addams family movie on the television (Shrek was over by then).  I was just smiling.  AJ got my attention as said, "Ya wanna see something better?"  I said, "Sure!"  He went to the side and put the captions on the television. I smiled, "I can read it!" as a few tears streamed down my face.  Shortly I was escorted out to meet Ryan and I got to look into his blue eyes with my own eyes for the first time.

It's hard to describe the emotions and feelings behind being able to see, especially to someone who has never had problems seeing.  Yes, I was able to see with the assistance of glasses and contacts.  But it's completely different when you are able to see things with your own eyes without contacts or glasses.  The past couple of days have been awesome, even though we haven't done any special activities over the weekend.  I caught myself on Friday just staring at my sister during lunch.  I've never been able to see my grown-up sister with my own eyes before.  So, just be aware that if you catch me staring at you within the next few weeks, it's probably not because you have something in your teeth or on your face.  I'm just seeing you for the first time.  Another exciting thing is that all of the lights and even bright colors have halos around them.  I laughed yesterday while Christie and I were shopping because I saw a guy with a bright purple shirt with neon green letters that said "Legit" with the Nike swoosh underneath it.  I giggled and pointed it out to Christie.  She said, "Yea.  His shirt says 'Legit'.  Couldn't they have come up with..."  I said, "No.  The words are glowing, like in Ironman!".  So, again, bare with me if you see me fascinated with small, glowing objects.

All I can do is be thankful, especially to Mom and Dad for giving me the opportunity to really be able to see again.  Everything is a little bit brighter and a little more beautiful now that I can see it with my own two eyes.    :)  Time for eye drops.  Post again later.